So...I think since Hudson has made his arrival into this world I have not had one post that wasn't his monthly stats. That's because my whole world has revolved around Hudson's monthly stats. I can hardly remember 10 months ago when I had other things to talk about, but I have rapidly become one of "those" people. Fortunately one of "those" people is just who I want to be. I'm sure I have been de-friended and blocked on Facebook by many people who don't care to see my constant picture stream of the most perfect baby on the planet. That's okay, those people are idiots and I don't want to be their friend anyway.
I find myself thinking daily, "I can't believe this is my life." Do I want to run to Facebook to exclaim to the world how happy I am, and that I am sure my life is better than their life hourly? Yes. But, I try to refrain myself from it, because those people get on my nerves. And if you're really that happy, you don't have to convince people about it, right? But, in the privacy of my own little blog here, I will tell you that I can't believe I am lucky enough to wake up in the morning and have nothing I HAVE to do other than play with my baby all day. Does that mean some days pass without me doing the dishes? Yes, often. But in the grand scheme of things, I know this time is precious, and I have not taken one day for granted.
While I was pregnant all I heard was how terrible C-sections are. They are painful, unnatural, and impossible to recover from. They are something you want to avoid at all costs. So you can imagine how scary it was to be rushed to the hospital with low fluid, induced and waiting on something to happen for two full days. Those two days were full of contractions, pain, worry, and strange body fluids. But mostly worry. I did not want to have a C-section. A vaginal birth is what makes a woman a woman. It is natural and what God made us for. Not to mention how on earth would I be able to go up the stairs when I got home to put my newborn baby to bed? Well, 48 hours and no more options later we met our perfect baby boy. I cannot imagine that moment being any more special had I pushed him out the way I planned. And guess what? It was fine. Was I sore? Yes. But I also don't pee my pants when I sneeze so I guess that's a good trade off. I could go up and down the stairs with the baby just fine. Was it a breeze? No. But was it worth worrying a first time mom to death and making her feel like she was less of a mother? ABSOLUTELY NOT. If I could go back I would tell that scared girl, everything will be fine. Your baby will be here shortly and you are not going to care how he got here, and neither will anyone else.
Now my perfect 7 lb 9 oz newborn baby boy is a 19 lb toddler. He crawls around, mimics me, waves, belly laughs, and lights up my every day. As everyone had warned me, one day I blinked and he became a KID instead of a BABY. It is devastating and exhilarating all in one.
Last night Hudson let me rock him to sleep for the first time in 5 months. He does not like to be rocked to sleep-he likes to be laid down and go to sleep on his own. For the first 4 months of his life, I had people tell me I better not dare rock him to sleep, because that would teach him he needs to be rocked to sleep every night. If I rocked him to sleep, he would wake up in the middle of the night and never be able to fall back to sleep on his own. I had a few terrible nights where I followed this advice, and let him cry alone in his crib. We decided that would not work for us, and a few short weeks later, he decided he did not like to be rocked to sleep anyway. Since then we read Goodnight Moon, have a few snuggles and then he's down. Guess what? I wish looking back I would have told all those people to mind their own business and would have enjoyed every second of rocking him to sleep instead of assuring myself I was somehow ruining his psyche. Now I can only hope for those moments.
When I was pregnant, I was sure I was going to miscarry. Once he was here, I was sure he was going to suddenly stop breathing in the middle of the night. I followed all the "advice" to keep him safe, and that obviously included no bed sharing. Well, guess what? When you have a newborn that will not sleep unless you are holding him, you can either let him cry, or stay awake 24 hours a day. After being awake for what felt like a week, I decided to let Hudson sleep next to me. I didn't use pillows or blankets, and I slept with him on the nook of my arm face to face with me with my back to Danny so he wouldn't accidentally turn over on him. I knew I wouldn't move, since it was more of a light cat nap than a sleep, and I woke up with every noise he made. And, I didn't. We had successful night after successful night of sleeping together, and I enjoyed it. But I listened to everyone telling me that was the WORST thing we could do, and so instead of being able to enjoy it 100%, I was worried I was going to ruin the baby. People said I would roll over and smother him, and even more said I was going to teach him to need to sleep with me every night (including my husband). Well...guess what? Now he is 9 months old and wouldn't dare fall asleep with me. I've had a few hopeful nights where he has woken up in the middle of the night and thought to myself "Oh! I'll go get him and we will lay together!" Well, what happens is I bring him into my bed and he kicks and slaps me, crawls all over me and tries to head for the end of the bed. Those sweet moments of him laying there just happy to be against me are over. And I hate that I wasted a second of it worrying instead of soaking it up.
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